Heaven

"If Heaven exists, to know that there's laughter, that would be a great thing." - Robin Williams

I have many reasons for choosing to write this blog. One of them is that I want my children to have a place to turn when I am no longer here and they wonder what I would have thought about parenthood or marriage or life in general. I want to leave behind something real that represents what has actually happened in my life as it is happening. It hasn't all been pretty. It hasn't all been sunshine and roses. There have been some really rough patches.

Having said that, I have a secret worry that they will go from one page to the next and think I am mentally ill because the day before I was singing with Jiminy Cricket and the next I am in a puddle of tears. But this is who I am for better or worse.

An hour ago, I was thinking about writing this post and it had nothing to do with laughter or happiness. I woke up feeling very sad today. It is very hard to be a parent. To know when to step in and when to say nothing. To know what will help and what will make something worse. To let your children learn their own lessons - but still guide them. So initially this post was going to be about sadness and parenthood and why the hell did I ever have children. That will likely be another entry about how my stepmother, Mary, told me that babies are so cute and cuddly.

But as I was sitting here looking up quotes on sadness, my husband entered the room. I made it clear that I was working on my blog which he knows means that I want to be left alone. He said "Is it going to be about how sexually gratified you were this weekend?" I laughed out loud from the bottom of my belly. I said "No, actually it wasn't." I am laughing even now that he wanted this to be about his sexual prowess and instead it is about how he makes me laugh. He then said "You make me laugh every day". My stepmother told me that too. She told me to marry someone who makes me laugh every day.

So the message of today - the message to my children and any others who might read this is to surround yourself with people who make you laugh. It lightens the load. It changes the picture.