The Bright Side

"I'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh? And I am three months older than you, a*$#ole!" - from BIG with Tom Hanks and Jared Rushton

Yesterday was September 25th. If she were still here, Kat would have been 54. She was three months older than me. We would say this quote to each other all the time but most often on her birthday. I realized yesterday - that I will forever be older than her now. Then I cried.

A week or so ago, I contacted my cousin, Mary (Kat's sister) and some of her friends to see if they could join me at Aunt Mary's house to have lunch in Kat's memory. After we had agreed, I called Aunt Mary to "see if she was free" with the full knowledge that at 81 in the aftermath of Covid, she spends most of her time at home. I am not sure what I was expecting her to say, perhaps I thought she would be sad with me for a moment about why we were getting together. Instead she said "Oh, I am so happy - something to look forward to!"

That right there is Aunt Mary.

Among the village of women who raised me, she has been a constant. When my Mom and Kat were both dying, we would sit in the hospital or in the house together. We talked about how we were likely going to lose one of them and then the other and that we would do it together. It bonded us like never before. Aunt Mary has never shied away from talking about a difficult topic, she will always tell me something like it is but she also finds the bright side of most things.

She started dating my Uncle in her teens. Uncle Tommy, had a massive heart attack and died in front of her while they were on vacation. She was in her early 40s with four kids. I think I was 16. In the last few years, she has talked to me about that time of her life and the tragedy of it. She tells me that she and my Uncle had an amazing marriage (not dissimilar from my own), and although she only had that for such a short time - most people never have that kind of love in their lifetime. She is grateful for the time that she did have.

When Kat was dying, I made a secret pact with her. I promised her that I would take care of her mother if she would take care of mine on the other side. Happy Birthday, Kat.